Yes I am staying here in xanga land...
But I have had this blog 4ever and needed to upgrade.
I thought about going to blogger or word press, but I have such great friends here.

So the easiest way to do this for me is - visit my new site and leave a comment. I will subscribe from there.
A lot of my subs are out dated anyhow - so a great new start.

So come for a visit at Zany & Zeal… and a bit o' random

Sometimes, a lot of random, combines into a major impact...and you finally "get it"

This time of year, I am always searching my heart, thinking of the New Year...reflecting....
this morning I especially woke up feeling the need to find my verse for the year to come
not knowing how much time I will have in the next few weeks ahead

I think it started last November 15th when we watched "Let Story Guide You" with Donald Miller. It was the breaking point of my "life as it was".



I have always loved stories, told stories, and desired to write stories. A few years back God impressed upon me that He was calling me to write for Him. This scared me so much. I've always secretly wanted to write.... Then I discovered the world of "blogging" and began to read real life "stories" and was instantly addicted. Inspired, as well. It took awhile for me to dive in. I had a lot of self issues to deal with. But I did begin to write...and Dynamic Devotions emerged. I joined an online group called Faith Writers and plugged away writing on a topic each week. It took awhile but I finally got a rating that took me up another level. I started a newsletter at church and started writing about the stories of the women that attended. I wrote the advent devotionals for church one year. It didn't matter that I got published-- just that I wrote. I remember being astounded when I randomly googled my name one day and I found one article that I had posted as "Free to Publish" featured in a MOPS newsletter and on two different online devotional type sites. If your curious you can see my portfolio here..Member Profile: Tessy Fuller

The story... Oh I love the story. But writing is messy, and lonely. You are your own worst critic and if you are not careful you will believe that others can tell the story better. You will wonder if your story even matters, as you view that your heart and soul, typed out with purpose and determination receives the least comments of all your blog entries. You will listen to the whispers of the "you're not good enough" as you strive for weeks to make it a bit higher in the writing challenge, only to fall flat on your face on what you thought was your best work. Eventually you might even turtle back into your shell and let the ember of God's calling to tell your story, others stories, fade into a barrage of excuses of why you can't. While this applies to me and my writing, sadly it correlates as well to how we choose to live out our story.

What I did not even realize is that as I excused myself from writing... I also excused myself from living my story. Maybe not for you, but for me.... writing vs. living my story is directly linked.

I am 31 years old. I will be 32 in March. I have been a Christian since age 13.
I am recently only discovering the importance of my story.
Hacking through a mess of lies, inadequacies and fear to get there.
It hasn't been an easy process.
And the process is just that, a process.

So, today it all just kind of collided... the power of "story"
mine, yours.....
• Donald Miller's challenge to write/live a better story
• The blogs of Jo (@mymeanderings) and Tiffany (A Moment Cherished) as they shared their hearts on adoption
• Jen Hatmaker's devotional book and blog...
--All weaved into my life...erasing layers of fear, doubts, that had entangled me from answering the whisper in my heart to adopt--a whisper I knew about since our mission trip to Ecuador in 2006 (before twins)

then later throughout the year... I would be impacted by more stories.. and the fan would be flamed
• A Thousand Gifts (where I would be inspired to chase the moon)
• Helene - A Pastor's wife who started an orphanage where my son is - who was compelled to act.

• Julia H. & Catherine R. - two ladies who have inspired me to be a more of a VOICE for the orphans.
• A blog entry by @appalolly on Everyday Heroes
• Radical by David Platt

For so long I dared to only dream a story bigger then me... this year I flung myself forward on faith to stop dreaming and live it. God took my little dreams and GAVE ME MORE. He opened my eyes and heart to "Not Later" but NOW - that my life is but a vapor. That my influence, my story will directly impact my children... will it be enough? What am I teaching them?

And all of this collided today when I read a top ten blog post of the year entry -- and came across the amazing, courageous, STORY of Choosing JOY-- A story of a beautiful woman named Sara Frankl from Iowa (I was born in IA)
An article here...Sara Frankl's story and then I read through some of her blog posts here: Sara's blog but if you read nothing else - PLEASE read this entry... Please don't miss it

Maybe some of you have heard of her, read her story. I had not. Many quotes jumped out to me... but this one the most....

“You gotta just try to do every thing you can, when it’s your time to do it.”

And then I watched a sermon posted from her church where they talked about her life and came across the verses I knew was going to be my verse this year:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!"
Philippians 2: 3-8

So reflecting on this last year - I have come to realize an important truth that resonated deep within me when I read Sara's story "It is not about me"

I shamefully cringe at my past tense life of making it about me.
My prayer that God will continue to strip away all of the selfishness that makes it so.
To look to the interests of others
To open my home more... (my gift to Jesus I left under the tree)

In a nutshell - "I want a better story"
When my life here ends....which is just a vapor (which means I have not time to waste)....
It is the "Well done, faithful SERVANT" I am after.
Yes SERVANT. something I had seriously missed in my selfishness.
not intentionally I don't think... it was a slow fade

HE MADE HIMSELF NOTHING by taking the very NATURE of a SERVANT.
To me that is coming to a place of obedience where I lay down what I want and pursue what He wants despite the cost.
Isn't that where the fear comes, when we count the cost?

What is your story? Are you tired of the lies that someone else can tell/live it? Ohh how they will drain your JOY and parch your existence into a hopeless existence. Only YOU can tell/live the STORY you were CREATED for..... God has a plan and purpose for YOU, A STORY beyond your DREAMS... if you only let go of what YOU think you need and want to be... Maybe you have heard the whispers, and dared to dream, but still stand frozen on the sidelines, due to fear and doubt... of what you might lose.. but have you even considered what you might gain?

Merry Christmas to all my friends in xangaland --

My heart is full. overflowing. thankful.
My embassy appointment was yesterday and all went well.
Now we wait to hear the words "His VISA has been issued - you can travel"
Hoping, praying, for no delays - minimum wait 3 weeks - could be longer.......
Praying for the minimum.
I miss my boy.
Craig dreamed of him last night. I was jealous.
I have only dreamed of him once. It was before I saw his picture.
It was not a nice dream. He was hurting and lost and I couldn't find him.

I had a wonderful week of baking last week. Lots of goodies were made and I enjoyed my time spent with my sister. My friend Christie also came over one day and baked with her daughter. I love baking but it is even more fun when you have friends to share it with.



Had our first snow of the season earlier this month and we were able to make a baby snowman.






Looking forward to a low key week hanging with the family and celebrating the wonderful birth of my Savior.

Dreary rainy day..... + late night..... + stiff neck from sleeping wrong... + bickering among the little ones = a case of morning grumpies.

I despise morning grumps.
So thankful for my devotion this morning talking of the beautiful gift of Immanuel, God with us.
Wow.....

God is with me...
I needed that simple message today.
Not only is He with me.
He is for me.
Now that is a gift.

I just needed to hear that simple message today...
and ponder it in my heart.
I'm lacking the peace I felt last week.
Sunday I was sick and so I had too much down time to think, when I wasn't sleeping.
Not good.
I needed church.
I felt weak.
Not just physically, but emotionally.
Lately the only thing holding me together is prayer and God's promises.
They kept me steady, sure, JOYFUL...
Sunday, I felt like I broke.
My heart ached deeply and even now I half smile.
Craig thought I was mad over taco bell (don't ask)
I had to hide the emotion some how in something "stupid"
so I didn't have to deal with what was really pricking my heart.
That I missed him deeply....
God is with me, and He knows.
Others may not understand but
He knows....I don't have to hurt alone.

Psalm 55:22, "Turn your burdens over to the LORD, and he will take care of you."
Deeply thankful this morning for the gift of "God with us"

Side note: Baking is going good....pecan clusters, peppermint melt-aways, cookie dough truffles (most requested treat year after year) peanut butter fudge were all made yesterday.. today we move onto the cookies!! Hooray!

Have lots to do... so I'm off... going to turn this day around - it all starts with some good transparent prayer, a bit of writing as an outlet of confession, baking therapy with friends, and some Christmas music going... yes, already feeling my spirits lifting...

I can hardly believe tomorrow is the last day of November....
This month has flown by..
This entire year has really flown by...

I so looked forward to Thanksgiving holiday weekend and it seemed to come and go so quickly.  I guess time really does fly when your having fun... because I did have lots of fun.  I spent Wed. baking -- pecan pie, pumpkin pie, pumpkin layered dessert, apple pie, and a 4 layer dessert.  Thursday we headed over to the farm to celebrate the first part of the day with Craig's family.  We had an amazing dinner and then headed out on a beautiful sunny day to play our annual "FULLER BOWL"  We have played football on Thanksgiving for as far back as I can remember - but we actually made it official in 2004.  Our team lost this year by one touch down   I have misplaced my camera otherwise I would post pictures.  The weather was so nice!!  It was fun.  Last year we froze.  Some years we even play in the snow. 

After the Fuller Bowl we rested up a bit, had some dessert and then headed to my mom's house where my sister put on a wonderful Thanksgiving feast.  So much good food.  It was Baby Jade & Kinnly's first Thanksgiving so it was fun to see them tasting just a bit of tators and maybe a dab of cool whip  

Feel so blessed to have such a great family!!!

Friday, Chan and Jade and me and the kids went to Dad's for Turkey lunch.  He made hot turkey sandwiches and we enjoyed lots of snacks as well.  We watched Charlie Brown shows and played monster truck and cars with the kids.  It was still really nice out Friday so we took a walk together with Jade strapped on the wagon.  It was fun and felt good to exercise off some of those calories I had consumed the past few days.  Baby Jade loved riding in the wagon.  The girls stayed with Pom-Po for the night and later that evening Craig, Ryan and I went to watch Arthur's Christmas with Tonya and family and Chris.  It was super funny and I really enjoyed it.

Saturday morning we woke up early and headed to St. Louis to the DOME.  My nephew's high school football team made it to state this year.  Trey didn't get to play, but Tyler did.  He played defense on special teams but finally they put him in at the end of the game and he got a good tackle.  They ended up losing but it was pretty cool to go to the dome where the Rams play.  I had never been.  Proud of them boys though.  Trey was only 2 years old when I started dating Craig and Tyler was itty bitty too.  Tyler used to have the cutest crush on me.  Now they are all grown-up almost.  Tyler will be a senior next year!!!  Can hardly believe it.  After the game we drove around for awhile trying to find a Chick-Fil-A.    I love that restaurant.  Yes, I have to drive three hours to eat at one.  Wish they would get one in CoMo.






So hopefully when I find my camera I can post a few pictures....  not to busy of a week... but a busy weekend.